By: Jill Fiore
I woke up at 8:30am. I didn’t see a ball, a stumbling party goer, or anything else drop last night, other than my head on the pillow before midnight.
This is the first time I’ve opted to do nothing on New Year’s eve. I even recall having people over my place one year that I was sick as a dog drinking tea with honey while they enjoyed wine and spirits around me. FOMO at it’s finest.
I’m not going to lie, it was really uncomfortable at first. Sitting with the remote, wondering if I should rally and go over to so-and-so’s apartment shindig. Or on the other extreme, get really fucking crazy and fancy myself up for the ‘top of whatever building’ mega invite.
But please, I don’t want to come off like a self righteous ‘lookahme’ goody two shoes. I kind of tore it up the night before at a dear friend and old bandmate’s killer birthday party. People I hadn’t seen in ages tossing around a lot of heartfelt ‘you look great!’ and ‘it’s so good to see you!’ It was lovely. It was genuine.
The night before that was another good ole friend’s rock and roll show turned late night bourbon fueled jam sesh at mine with my drummer.
There has been a lot of this kind of fa-la-la-ing going on over the peaceful yet festive 2-3 week New York City holiday run. All celebratory and happy. The no-plan spontaneous nights being some of the most memorable.
So, my decision was to not force the NYE issue. I wanted to stay home.
I did not want to do a ceremonial reevaluating of my life or looking back assessment of how far I’ve come in a year either. Why bother? Just keep it moving.
I know the parts of 2017 that were pretty sucky suck. I also know that they were purposeful. Be it personal, or the crazy shit going on in the world around us, everyone has evolved, grown, bonded, learned, and loved.
I had a Facetime toast/convo with a friend who also chose the stay at home option this year. I asked if he had any resolutions.
“No, let’s not make any this year. Let’s just be.” He confidently replied.
“I’m down!” I concurred.
However, I am innately a ‘self fixer’ who looks for things that need improvement. An Italian girl raised Catholic and served big sides of drama and guilt with almost every meal has a certain “I’m going to get hit by a bus” mentality that still kicks in a little when things are really good.
I told him I have just one thing I want for the new year. To finally feel truly deserving and worthy of the great things and love in my life. His response was the only bell I needed rung loudly this end of year wrap up.
“Do you mean you want to be able to finally feel that way, or finally ACCEPT that you already are deserving and worthy of all of those things RIGHT NOW?” he questioned back.
Boom. Here’s a virtual mic my friend. Go drop it.
Now, much my like my tired little ass last night, I put the past quietly to bed. No guilt. No regrets. Nothing to fix. Just taking the goods I need to create new, amazing possibilities in 2018.
Besides, good or bad, things move forward whether we want them to or not. Choose to be accepting and jump on board. That’s the biggest party train not to be missed.